Do you ever get sucked into buying something because you get a free gift with it if you do? It might be two for the price of one, it might be a free scarf or even sunglasses with a magazine.

But what about signing up for a credit card, where you don’t have to pay an annual fee, you get a free gift, which may be worth a couple of hundred dollars, but you have no intention of keeping the credit card. You simply want the free gift for signing up.

Is that wrong?

You meet all the criteria, you read and are happy with the fine print. You receive your free gift, you receive your credit card, but here’s the dilemma - you don’t use it. In fact, you signed up with NO intention, really, of using it. You might even cut the card up.

• It could be argued the company is gaining from you anyway – by you handing over your personal details which they might use for future marketing appeals.

• But would you do it to a friend’s business? A family-run business? Does it make any difference  whether the company is a large multinational or a small family-run affair?
 
• Are you being a savvy consumer... or simply greedy?

• If you’re not breaking any rules, why not take advantage of it?

Now it's time for you say!

One of our listeners has suggested we explore whether or not bribery is ever ethical. Have you ever been in a situation where bribery has been an acceptable course of action?

Last year’s inquiry into the business activities of wheat exporter A-W-B exposed a culture of bribery and undercover deals, disguised as legitimate transactions. There’s no doubt AWB paid millions of dollars to Saddam Hussein’s regime, in order to secure wheat deals.

Many Australian farmers said they understood why AWB acted the way it did…many saw the paying of bribes simply as a way of doing business in the Middle East…and saw it as a case of ‘when in Rome, do as the Romans do.’

We’d love to hear from you if you’ve been in this position, while doing business overseas. But you don’t have to be involved in complex overseas business transactions, to be involved in bribing someone.

What about social bribery? Have you ever given someone, something, in the hope that you’ll be able to change a particular outcome or circumstance? Or maybe you’ve been on the receiving end of a bribe?

When travelling overseas, do you pay a bribe if it’s the only option? To get through a border, to get out of a tricky situation…is bribery different if it’s an acceptable part of that country’s culture?

Or closer to home, maybe you’ve given your child a lolly to keep them quiet, or to clean their room. It’s a good outcome if they do it…so is it OK?

The crux of the dilemma is this. If the outcome is good, is bribery ever acceptable?

This week’s dilemma is about a husband who works overseas – and the effects this is having on his family here in Australia.

Rachel’s husband went to work in Dubai three years ago. In the first year, she says he’d visit the family once every three months – and she’d go there once a year, taking the children with her.

But that’s since trickled down to spending just six days with the children – over the last two years.

Rachel says he went there in the hope of earning more money for the family – but now she fears he’s found a new life over there.

She’s tried to arrange several meetings with him in Singapore – the halfway point – but he always comes up with excuses as to why he can’t make it. On one occasion he said he was too sick to make it.

Rachel doesn’t know what’s happening to their marriage – and it isn’t being made any easier by the fact that they can’t meet up to discuss it. He keeps telling the kids he’ll see them soon, but that so far hasn’t happened.

Rachel wants answers from her husband, but he’s not making it very easy to meet up with him

He keeps promising the kids he’ll see them, but hasn’t.

Rachel feels as though her life has been put on hold…and is needing some resolution.

Rachel wants your advice, as to what she should do.

This week’s dilemma is one that I think a lot of working parents will be able to relate to.

Robin has two young boys (aged 7 and 5) at school – but she doesn’t get to see them a lot because she has to work most nights, to pay off the family’s mortgage.

Her husband hasn’t been able to work for the last 8 months due to a recent knee reconstruction, and his bad knee will prevent him from returning to work any time in the near future.

Robin picks up her kids from school each afternoon. Her shift work starts at 5:30 in the evening, so by the time she’s made dinner, she’s spending about half an hour of quality time with them each day.

Robin says she has to work because at the moment she’s the only one in the family paying off the mortgage.

She says if she quits her job as a pizza delivery driver, she’ll lose the house. On the other hand, she says her kids are missing their mum.

Robin HAS been sending out her resume and looking for other jobs.

We need your advice on this one.

• Should Robin just make the most of the half an hour she does get to spend with her children each afternoon?
• Should she look for a daytime job?
• Maybe she could ask her employer to consider changing her shifts to the daytime?
• If her husband’s knee wasn’t too bad, maybe he could help out making dinner at home?
• Maybe she should stick it out for a bit longer until she gets a new job?

What do YOU think Robin should do?

They’re fast, they grunt - and they’re much easier to park than a car.

This week’s dilemma is from 22 year old Pippa whose boyfriend wants to buy a motorbike.

Pippa loves her boyfriend very much and wants him to have fun. But she doesn’t want him to have an accident and either injure himself – or become a statistic.

• When you’re going out with someone…how much influence do you have-or should you have on their life decisions?

• Even in a marriage – how much freedom should each person have?

• Last year, 230 motorcyclists were killed on Australian roads.

• The proportion of fatalities to the number of registered vehicles on the road is much higher for motorcyclists, than it is for car drivers.

• These are obviously statistics that Pippa is worried about, when Adam talks about buying a motorbike.

• However not every motorcyclist comes off their bike. Many people choose to ride motorbikes because they’re fun, because they require less petrol, and because of the inadequacy of public transport in some areas.

• That’s certainly why Adam wants one – he says motorbikes are heaps of fun and he loves riding them.

The Motorcycle Riders Association of Australia’s motto is “Let those who ride, decide!”

That may be – Pippa has voiced her objections to Adam, saying she doesn’t want him to buy a motorcycle. How should Pippa respond?

Is there a question that’s on your mind?  If so, email us dilemma@theopenhouse.net.au and we’ll make your dilemma our big question for next week.

Stephanie has a step daughter who lives with her family. She married the girl’s father, and has a great relationship with 10 year old Jessica.

The young girl goes to stay at her mother's apartment on the weekend, however Stephanie is concerned that the girl's natural mother is not providing her daughter with the care that she needs.

Stephanie visited the birth mother's apartment when she was dropping off her step daughter - and was appalled to find evidence of illegal party drugs being consumed at the apartment, and a gay couple living in another room of the small flat.

Jessica says she loves her birth mother, and does want to see her, but doesn’t want to stay with her.

She is legally meant to be living with her mother, but her mother said it was fine for her to live with her father most of the time, so that’s what has been happening.

But now, Stephanie doesn’t want her step daughter staying with her natural mother at all.

But she is torn, because she does want her step daughter to maintain a relationship with her birth mother.

In this situation, who makes the choices about the girl’s future? Stephanie? The girl’s father? The girl’s natural mother? Or the daughter?

• If drugs are being consumed at the apartment, should the girl being staying there at all?
• What is the role of the birth father? Should he step in?
• Should the opinion of Jessica count? Or is it up to the parents to decide her future?
• What is the role of the step mother in a situation like this?

Michael is in a situation where he’s not sure whether his time or money is more important.

He has a degree in nuclear medicine, and currently works as a vet.

However he has a strong desire to help Africa, and is considering going to Africa to put his skills to use, either working as a doctor’s assistant or as a vet.

But he’s not sure whether it would be more beneficial for him to stay in Australia and give money to some kind of charity or organisation instead.

He’s considering giving a sum of around A$20,000.

What do you think he should do?

DISCUSSION POINTS:
• Visiting Africa could change Michael’s perspective and give him a firsthand understanding of the continent’s needs
• But Michael sounds like a pretty compassionate guy already – maybe he should just give some money away?
• If he does give some money – who should he give it to?
• Are there any economists listening? Would it make more sense to give the money to pay for an African to study medicine for example?

Natalie is in her early 20’s - she met and started going out with a guy last year - he proposed four months later and she accepted. She describes him as a loving, thoughtful and intelligent guy.
 
They're planning to get married half way through next year…the engagement is around a year and a half due to financial reasons.

However Natalie says there's some tension in the relationship because they have different ideas about sex before marriage.
 
As a Christian, she was brought up to believe sex is something that should be saved for marriage. Natalie’s fiancée is also a Christian, but he says it’s OK if they have sex before they get married.
 
She says she feels guilty when he wants to kiss and touch her, because that's going beyond the boundaries she's set for herself. He asks her to have sex a lot, but this makes her feel uncomfortable, since she wants to wait until marriage.

What should she do?

DISCUSSION POINTS:

Should Nadia be marrying a guy who doesn’t respect her physical boundaries? Will he respect her more once they’re married?

Would getting married earlier solve the physical intimacy problem?

Natalie is concerned about her fiancee’s relationship with God –  should she confront him about it?

This week’s dilemma is about Warwick – a classical musician by trade. He used to play the trombone with the Philharmonic Orchestra in London. He says he loved that job and was doing well at it, but felt God called him to pursue a different path.

While on a mission trip in India he says he was touched by what he saw and believes he felt God speak to him about working with children.

So - five years ago, Warwick started a business (a ‘dramatic change’ for him, he says) putting on shows for kids in schools about safety. The shows build the kid’s self esteem and helps them to know what to do if people hurt them.

Warwick loves the new job, but says he has days when things get tough and he starts wondering whether the idea was from God or not, and whether it was the right thing to do.

• He was booked solidly all of last term, but has hardly any bookings for next term.
• With four children to support, he misses the regular paychecks and the stability of his old job.
• He also has an insurance bill he can’t pay, and if his equipment was lost or stolen, he’d lose everything.

He says he’s very good at writing the shows and performing them, but not so good at selling the business and doing the financials.

DISCUSSION POINTS:

• How can you be sure that you’ve heard something from God?
• Does success always follow God’s plan for your life?
• How do you when you’ve made the wrong decision, and it’s time to take a different track?
• How can a person be sure that they’ve heard the voice of God?

Our dilemma tonight, concerns a guy that we’re calling Ahmed.

It’s a real dilemma – although we’ve changed a couple of the details to protect his identity.

But the crux of it is this.

Ahmed has recently converted from Islam to Christianity.

He doesn’t know whether or not he should tell his parents, who are Muslim, about his conversion.

He’s fearful that if he tells his parents, they’ll be unhappy with him – and cut off his rent allowance, and other financial assistance.

What do you think Ahmed should do?

DISCUSSION POINTS:

• Should he run the risk of worsening relations with his family by telling them about  his conversion?
• There’s the issue of money – he’s afraid of not being able to ‘get by’ - without his parents  allowance.
• At the same time he’s excited about the change that’s happened in his life – should he tell them or not.

Liz is worried about her 13 year old cousin Amala, who's from a Hindu family, who wants to become a Christian - but her parents won't let her.
 
Amala has been invited to church and her parents don't mind her attending most weeks. But when she asked her parents for a Bible, they wouldn't give her one. Amala bought one herself, but her parents ripped it up and threw it in the bin.

Amala’s parents say she can change her religion when she's 16.
 
What should Amala do?

DISCUSSION POINTS:

• It’s a dilemma because we’re talking about the spiritual decision of a 13 year old. Is 13 too young to make a decision to convert to a religion different from your parents?

• It’s a dilemma because there’s the issue of Amala respecting her parents – being under their roof and care.

This week's dilemma is from Robert.
 
He's currently renting a place, but owns a two storey property that he wants to move into. It makes financial sense for him to move in upstairs, because it will mean he won't have to pay tax on the rent he earns from having someone else live there.
 
BUT he's concerned the tenants downstairs might feel uncomfortable if their landlord is living above them.

He's worried it might be seen as intrusive. He knows the tenants, not well, but they have met.

Robert says they don't know each other well enough to know whether they get on or not. There are separate entrances to each unit, but Robert knows they would bump into each other in the carpark or on the street. Because the tenants are paying off his mortgage, he doesn't want them to feel uncomfortable, at the same time he does want to move in.
 
What should Robert do?

DISCUSSION POINTS:

• Will Robert moving in affect the landlord/tenant relationship? Maybe you’ve been in a similar situation either as the landlord, or the tenant…did it work?

• Would it be an invasion of the tenant’s privacy…or is it irrelevant whether the landlord happens to live upstairs?

Will lives at home with his parents. He's 19. He works full time and pays rent. However, he has "imposing" parents who have opinions and "rules" on everything - from what time he should be home, to how clean he keeps his room, to an "open door" policy when he has his girlfriend in his room. His parents have even attempted to discipline him lately for staying out late one night by imposing a curfew.

Despite many disputes, Will and his parents have not seen eye to eye and frequently argue over his freedoms.

What should Will do?

On one hand, he still lives at home, in his parent’s house and on the other, he pays rent which is more indicative of a tenant relationship. Will is unsure where to draw the line between "respecting his parent’s wishes" and pursuing his own freedom since he is now an adult.

Maybe you’ve had to deal with this very dilemma at one stage in your life – what did you decide to do?

DISCUSSION POINTS:

• The amount of rent Will pays is quite cheap considering the area he’s living in…it might be a lifestyle sacrifice, but he could possibly afford to live in a different area if he wanted to

• How do you draw the line between respecting your parent’s wishes, and pursuing your own freedom?

• It’s really a question of how do you live as an adult, while living in your parent’s home? Is it even possible?

Jenny's grandmother comes from Poland - she survived World War II.
 
But Jenny's dilemma is this. She doesn't know how to respond to her grandmother's racist comments.
 
For example she feels uncomfortable when her grandmother uses derogatory words like nigger, or has an anti-semitic rant.
 
Jenny's not sure whether the comments are made out of ignorance, or whether they're intentional.
 
She doesn't know what her position as a grand-daughter is - she feels she should respect her grandmother, but also feels she should reprimand her, or say something.
 
Should Jenny take issue with her comments - or let them go?

DISCUSSION POINTS:

• It is Jenny’s grandmother – there’s the issue of respecting your elders.

• She’s obviously making some pretty offensive comments that could hurt people.

Louise recently caught up with her friend, Stephi, who she went backpacking around Europe with when they were both younger. They drifted apart after the trip and lost contact.

Since then, Louise and her husband have become Christians. They've spent the last 25 years working in Christian ministry in the Northern Territory.
 
Louise recently caught up with Stephi and found that she's really into spiritualism – that is, spiritual healing such as raiki and chanelling.
 
Louise is concerned that Stephi thinks they believe the same thing, because her friend sometimes says they believe in the same 'source'.
 
But Louise doesn't want Stephi to think that the source of her raiki healing is the same source that Louise trusts in.
 
Louise really values Stephi's friendship and doesn't want to lose it. But she does want to say something without being over reactive and coming out and telling her what she believes is wrong.

It's also difficult to know what to say because she hasn't seen her for so long.

Brendan wants to know how long he should wait before asking out a girl who broke up with her long term boyfriend a month ago.
 
He met the girl shortly after she broke up with her boyfriend and doesn't want to be insensitive to her needs, but also doesn't want to 'miss the boat'....he would like her to know that he's interested.
 
How soon is too soon for Brendan to bring up the subject with her?

At the moment he sees her once a week at church and they chat occasionally.

He’d like your advice on this one….

DISCUSSION POINTS:

• Does Brendan, in his eagerness, run the risk of rushing things?
• Should he even be thinking about a relationship with her, so close to her having to deal with a breakup?
• Should he get to know her a bit more first…or is it OK to dive in, and put his affections for her ‘out there’?

Sam has recently befriended a new guy at his church who he suspects is probably depressed. This friend never has anything positive to say about anything, and will often reply 'terrible' when asked how he is.
 
He hates his office job and he says he hates his life.
 
He doesn't have any family in the country, and doesn't have many friends. He also doesn't like hanging out with big groups, preferring to spend time one on one with people.
 
While Sam wants to be there for him, and spend time with him to help him, he also finds his company quite draining.
 
How can Sam best help him...without becoming resentful?

DISCUSSION POINTS:

• Should Sam get his friend to seek professional help…or should he just continue being his friend?
• Should Sam challenge his friend to change…or accept him as he is?

How do you deal with intrusive parents?
 
Andrew recently separated from his wife.
 
He says he is still close to his wife, who is suffering from depression. He says he's trying his best to save the marriage.
 
The separation was triggered by his wife having an argument with his mother, when they were forced to move in with his parents due to financial difficulties.
 
Andrew says he's finding it difficult to now work through his family's problems because his wife's parents keep interfering in their affairs.
 
He says this was the case the whole way throughout their marriage - he estimates his wife's parents lived with them on and off for almost 4 years in total over the course of their six year marriage.
 
He says they haven't let go of their daughter and haven't respected their space.
 
He also says the intrusion has meant they haven't been able to tackle family problems as a family.
 
He wants the marriage to continue - and says she is the only woman he wants to be with - but doesn't know how to deal with sorting through the marriage, without the interference of intrusive parents.
 
DISCUSSION POINTS:
• Negotiating a relationship during a time of separation is tricky enough in itself…but how do you manage it with interfering parents?
• How can both Andrew and his wife get on a level playing field…where it’s just the two of them, to discuss the future of their marriage?
• How can they deal with their in-laws respectfully? Should they tell them they need some space?

This week's dilemma is from Daniel.

His wife is now in a mental hospital, after giving birth to their first child.

She suffered pre-natal depression for the majority of her pregnancy, she then had the baby, and has now sunk into a deep depression.

She's so far refused to see their newborn baby - and now Daniel is worried about who will look after the child.

Soon he will have to return to work and doesn’t want to put the child into childcare.

He was excited about being a father for the first time, but this development has turned his world upside down.

What should he do?

DISCUSSION POINTS:

• Daniel has a wife and newborn baby to look after …who takes priority?
• Not only has the size of his family changed, his wife is now a different woman to the one he married.
• How can he balance all these changes…once he returns to work?

Do you think there’s an imbalance? Do we have different standards for people in our immediate world and people we don’t know? Does this even matter? Should she stop reading celebrity gossip, or is celebrity gossip just harmless fun?

Stuart’s younger brother says he's gay, and says he's known it for a long time.
 
Stuart and his brother were raised in a Christian family. He knows their parents will be shocked to find out about his brother's sexuality. But, Stuart’s brother hasn't told her their parents - and it's easy to hide from them because they live overseas.
 
Stuart feels trapped in the middle - and doesn't know what to do. Every time he speaks to his parents he feels as though he's keeping it from them, and doesn't know whether it's his responsibility to tell them or not, since his brother isn't going to.

He doesn’t want to feel as though he’s deceiving his parents, but he also wants to respect his brother’s wishes. What do you do when you feel caught between family members?

Maybe you’ve been in a similar situation: where a sibling has kept something from your parents. What was your response? Should Stuart update his parents on this significant development in his brother’s life, or keep out of it and let whatever happens, happen?

Samantha is a young professional who has a fear of flying. She will go to many lengths to avoid getting onto a plane. However she’s been forced to book a flight to her best friend’s interstate wedding in a couple of weekend’s time.

She hasn’t been able to secure time off work to justify an overland journey, and besides--it’s a three hour flight, or days by bus/train/car. She’ll only be able to make it if she flies.

However her fear of flying is very real, fuelled by television shows like ‘crash site investigation’ and also pictures of gutted, burnt out airplanes that appear every so often in the news, following a major crash.

As the date of the wedding draws near, she’s becoming more and more anxious, and has even considered telling her best friend she won’t be able to make her ‘big day.’

Is there a way around cancelling? Have you ever had a fear of flying, or some other kind of fear? How did you overcome it?

This week’s dilemma is from Nathan, who's in a band with three other mates. They’re doing quite well and are keen to record some of their tracks so they can produce their first E.P.

But Nathan's concerned that while three of the guys are all quite good and at the same level of musicianship, one of the guys, the drummer, is not as good. He’s a good live drummer, where timing doesn’t matter as much, but struggles with his timing in a rehearsal setting. They’ve been playing together for about 9 months.

Nathan is torn – he wants the best recording possible, and is thinking about possibly hiring a professional drummer just for the recording. But on the other hand, he doesn’t want to upset the drummer they already have. Hiring a replacement would send a pretty clear signal that he wasn’t good enough.

Nathan loves his mate and doesn’t want to upset him. They’ve all been friends for about 8 years. But because it is an investment of time and money, he also wants the best possible outcome for the EP they produce.

Should a good quality recording take priority over a friendship? If they do get a pro drummer in how will that impact the group dynamic of the band? What advice would you give Nathan?

Lara has been receiving several phone calls from an unidentified caller for the last couple of weeks, out of the blue.

They’re not very pleasant calls. She has no idea who the man is, but he’s told her he loves her and has also threatened physical abuse. As you can imagine, Lara's concerned about the calls and every time the phone rings she wonders whether it will be a call from him. Her friends and family are also concerned, but nobody really knows how she should handle the situation.

It’s the only mobile number she’s ever had – and she doesn’t want to change it, mostly for business reasons, fearing she'll lose contact with people she may not have seen for a couple of years who only have that number.

Lara's tried to ignore him and hang up, but she isn’t sure whether saying something to the man might improve her chances of him leaving her alone. How do you get rid of a nasty phone stalker?

This week's Everyday Dilemma is from Anne. Anne says she doesn’t know what to say when people ask her how she is, and she’s NOT O.K.

Anne has chronic physical health issues, and says she still tries to lead as normal a life as possible: caring for her family, working part time, being hospitable, and participating in her local church’s activities. 

However sometimes Anne feels absolutely lousy doing these things but soldiers on nonetheless. She says she smiles and puts on a brave front. When people ask her how she’s going, she doesn’t know whether to tell them the truth, or fob them off with a 'not too bad', or 'fine'. Instead she usually finds herself saying she’s 'okay thanks', which to her means, “I'm feeling absolutely horrible but I'm here and I'm okay.” 

What do you think? Should Anne tell people how she’s really feeling? Or should she not burden people with a heavy answer to what is a common, light question that people ask of each other all the time?

• Do you ever say how you’re really feeling when people ask “how are you?”
• Has the question become such a token comment, that it would be out of place to return it with a genuine response?
• Should the truth, or social nicety, take priority here?

Our dilemma this week is from Veneeta…who wrote in to us via dilemma@theopenhouse.net.au... Veneeta is a teenager—in year 8 in fact. And her dilemma is all about friends. From memory this is the first time we’ve had a teenager ask for our help with their dilemma, so let’s give her some advice.

Veneeta’s dilemma is that all her attempts at making friends seem to be failing. She tries to move into a social circle at school but finds herself quickly shut out. She feels no one listens to what she has to say, or even wants to. The situation is effecting her school life, and her faith. She’s wondering why God isn’t doing anything to help her make friends.

• How do you go about making friends with people, without turning them off, or appearing too needy for friendship?
• Veneeta says she’s trying to make friends with people, but is being rejected. When do you persist and when do you look somewhere else?
• Maybe you struggled to make friends at school. What did you do?

This week’s dilemma is from Melinda, who says her husband is becoming verbally abusive, and is getting worse.

She’s a Christian, and says as a result of the abuse, she’s starting to lose her own values, faith and personality.

She wants to know whether or not she should stay with her husband.

• Melinda wants to hear from any other Christians who’ve been in a similar position. What did you end up doing? What do you think Melinda should do?
• She also wants some thoughts on what God’s view on this kind of relationship is.

Rebecca is in her late twenties and has been with her boyfriend for around the last year and a half. She’s starting to feel pressure from her family and friends to marry her boyfriend, and finds it awkward when she’s around elderly aunties who ask them both when they’re going to tie the knot. She laughs it off each time, but the compound effect of everyone asking all the time is starting to wear her down.

What should she do?

Should she continue to laugh off the suggestions...or should she tell family members the truth…that she doesn’t like to be asked so constantly about whether or not she’ll marry her boyfriend? She doesn’t want to offend these family members, who obviously care about her and her future.

How do you respond when people say 'when are you two getting married?!'?

Is there anything you can do when you think your parents are about to break up?

That’s 14 year old Brian’s dilemma this week.

He wants to know if there's anything he can or should be doing to stop that happening.
 
He says his parents – who’ve been together for 28 years - don't talk to each other much, and don’t enjoy spending time with each other anymore. In the past they’ve had massive arguments that have ended in reconciliation and promises to give each other another chance. But this time Brian fears they're not going to be able to sort out their differences—he worries they’re heading for divorce.
 
He wants to know if there's any advice he can pass onto his parents in order for them to stay together.

• As a child of fighting/divorced parents, how do you get through it?
• Is there anything you can even do as a child to prevent your parents splitting up?
• Is Brian taking on too much responsibility for his parent's situation?

Phil is a volunteer  leader at his local church’s Friday night youth group, and he wants to know if it’s OK to go out with a girl who’s in the youth group. She’s not a fellow leader, she’s just a member of the group.

There’s only a few years difference between them -- he’s 20 and she’s 17 -- but he’s apprehensive because of his position of leadership, and his responsibility to the people he’s leading.

At the same time, he really likes this girl and they have the same core values and beliefs.

It’s not like this is a teacher/pupil relationship…there aren’t any strict rules that apply…but what would be the right thing for Phil to do in this situation? Does it matter that he’s a youth group leader and that she’s a youth group member? If he did go out with her, would he be setting a good or bad example to the rest of the youth group? What if they broke up? If they went out would that be showing favouritism? If you were a parent of a teenager in the same youth group would you be OK with a leader dating another youth group member?
Is this a situation you’ve ever been in? What did you decide to do?

This week’s dilemma is a uniquely online problem, concerning the social networking website Facebook and other sites like it.

Basically the website is a way of keeping up with the people around you: friends and family overseas, that sort of thing. You can upload photos of yourself and what you’ve been up to - and all your friends can see them. Friends can write messages on your ‘wall’ and you can write back – and everyone in your network can see it.

The way that you form your friend network is either by accepting someone’s email request to be their friend – or by sending a request to someone you know – asking them to confirm that they are in fact your friend.

Our dilemma tonight is from Sally – she got a ‘friend’ request from someone she went to primary school with years ago. She doesn’t feel that she knows this person anymore, and doesn’t feel as though they were even friends when they were at school.

She doesn’t really want to share her online life with this person – but she doesn’t want to hurt this person’s feeling either, by rejecting the friendship request.

What should Sally do?

DISCUSSION POINTS:

• Are friends on social networking sites really ‘friends’ in the true sense of the word? Or is it more a case of just building up the number of friends you have, regardless of whether you’re really their friend? If you use the site do you consider every one of your ‘friends’ – to actually be a real friend?
• Is it possible to reject someone politely? Or is that an oxymoron?
• Should Sally get over herself and just accept him?
  

What do you do when your parents don’t like your boyfriend—because of the job he does? That’s this week’s everyday dilemma, from Sue. Apparently her parents disapprove of her beau because he’s a carpenter.

Sue says her parents want the best for her – and therefore would prefer her to be with a doctor / lawyer / engineer or accountant. Apparently it’s not about the money, but the societal prestige.

Sue is a pharmacist herself, and is upset that her parents don’t like the person she loves. She says her parents have disapproved of a past boyfriend because he wasn’t at uni.

According to Sue, her parents haven’t made much effort to get to know her current boyfriend., so what should she do?

• Should occupation influence whether two people are suitable for each other?
• How important is it to have your parents ‘blessing’ in a relationship?
• Should Sue wait patiently for her parents to change their opinion of her boyfriend, or should she ignore them? 
• How can she show her parents that it doesn’t matter what her boyfriend does for a living?
• Did your parents approve of your partner? What happened? Did you go out with someone they liked…or did they eventually come around to see things from your perspective?