Our dilemma this week is from Veneeta…who wrote in to us via dilemma@theopenhouse.net.au... Veneeta is a teenager—in year 8 in fact. And her dilemma is all about friends. From memory this is the first time we’ve had a teenager ask for our help with their dilemma, so let’s give her some advice.
Veneeta’s dilemma is that all her attempts at making friends seem to be failing. She tries to move into a social circle at school but finds herself quickly shut out. She feels no one listens to what she has to say, or even wants to. The situation is effecting her school life, and her faith. She’s wondering why God isn’t doing anything to help her make friends.
• How do you go about making friends with people, without turning them off, or appearing too needy for friendship?
• Veneeta says she’s trying to make friends with people, but is being rejected. When do you persist and when do you look somewhere else?
• Maybe you struggled to make friends at school. What did you do?
Comments (3)
Hi Veneeta
I'm really sorry that you are having to go through this. Highschool is a really funny time--people can be absolutely lovely one day and don't want to know you the next. I don't have any advice to give you as to how you can make friends, apart from prayer. I had difficulty socially in highschool also, and nothing I did seemed to work. While I went through periods of having a few friends to spend time with, I didn't have a constant group I could be with until about year 12. I'm not saying this to discourage you--I'm just being honest! Not having many friends at highschool taught me to appreciate the friends I did have. i was involved in church and youth group (even then I had problems fitting in at times), and involved with groups who shared similar interests such as music. I know it's not the same as having friends at school, but knowing that I had friends outside this environment who accepted me and cared about me made school more bearable. Having Christ also made life a lot easier, and it's great that you have faith in him. While it's a tough time for you at the moment, know that this is all part of God's plan for you and that he is using this experience to help you to grow in faith. Jeremiah 29:11 says: for I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord, to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.
God bless,
Lauren
Posted by Lauren | September 1, 2007 10:59 PM
Posted on September 1, 2007 22:59
i had a hard time making friends at school and was picked on because i was shy and it got worse through out school i did not have jesus as my saviour but i believed in him despite having my books burnt in home economics class, having my hair spat on on the way home from school sitting on the bus, i wish that i had jesus as my saviour back then it would have made my school days easy, i could have prayed for those who were doing harm to me, and ask jesus to find someone to be my friend he could have helped me so much and i did not ask for his help. you are lucky you have the upper hand in being able to involve god so much in ur school days. just keep praying be yourself. and ask god to give you confidence in whatever it is you are struggling with. and good on u for having a personal relationship with him at a young age never lose that.
Posted by ruth | August 26, 2007 11:10 PM
Posted on August 26, 2007 23:10
i understand how she must be feeling, people (especially girls, no offence) can be SO excluding! it's not easy but i have found a few ways that have helped me in the past.
1. Ask people how they are
2. Smile, they are contagious
3. Try...just try to have hope that God does have friends out there for you, i know it's never easy.
4. Compliment people often, it's amazing how people MAY change if you say nice stuff about them.
5. If else fails, try (i know scary thought i know) to start up a conversation with some other people you don't know, you never know where it may lead you and/or what might happen.
i wish Veneeta all the best and i will pray for her, as i REALLY DO understand.
Posted by anon | August 26, 2007 10:11 PM
Posted on August 26, 2007 22:11